If you have heard of Mica Miller or have followed the recent news concerning her death, you might be alarmed at the way domestic violence can infiltrate the church.
This was not a hidden case of abuse. Her husband was a pastor. People have assembled timelines and written about alarming facts. She was afraid for her life. She even stated how she might die. Her death was ruled a suicide but her family and the abuse advocacy community are crying foul. They do not believe it for a second.
Geneece Goertzen-Morrison
Mandi Pratt
#JusticeForMica has become a trending hashtag on all social media platforms.
There are many reasons to be concerned about this story. Mica’s husband, John Paul Miller, aka JP, had multiple charges of abuse against his first wife. He started grooming Mica when she was only 14. There are strange sermon clips. He put trackers on her car. He created a heavy narrative around Mica having a mental illness and even forcefully put her into a hospital for treatment and then removed all her belongings from their home and stole her car. He has been seen around town with his girlfriend, whose own husband died mysteriously.
Each day since the news broke, new victims of JP have come forward sharing stories of his alleged sexual assault on minors and adults and how far the alleged corruption goes even through his father. In fact, some believe Mica was murdered because she knew too much. Victims and survivors are both triggered and outraged by this case because it hits so close to home for so many.
It’s heartbreaking that this is not an unfamiliar story of a pastor abusing many and getting away with it. Even if Mica did die by suicide, all the abuse she endured at his hand was crazy-making and ultimately resulted in her death.
“Even if Mica did die by suicide, all the abuse she endured at his hand was crazy-making and ultimately resulted in her death.”
Domestic violence doesn’t just happen quickly or out of the blue. It escalates over time, even in religious homes. Research shows the incidence of domestic violence is the same inside the church as in the general population. A prior Baptist News Global article outlined how the church can be a grooming place for victims of abuse. When victims of abuse reach out to their churches, they have mixed success in having their stories believed by those in leadership. Both authors of this article met their abusive spouses at church.
I (Geneece) know and understand Mica’s story all too well because I’ve lived it myself. Like Mica, I lived in fear about what would happen to me. Like Mica, I reached out to a few people to share concerns. And like Mica, I told someone if something ever happened to me what to be aware of and who to look at.
Following the information trail on Mica’s case stirred a whole lot of traumatic memories. It reminded me of what it felt like to be trembling in bed at night as I attempted to fall asleep, not sure if I’d wake to see the next day.
I (Mandi) met my abusive ex in our church youth group. His father was a well-known pastor. No one believed me when I first came forward to our church with his abusive behavior. He was an expert charmer and manipulator. So, as often happens in Christian circles, the pressure was placed on me, the wife, to pray more and forgive.
I suffered two more years before I finally filed for divorce, amidst the guilt that I was “sinning” by divorcing my abuser.
“It saddens both of us that the church is often more concerned with its reputation and upholding the idol of marriage than the safety of its congregants.”
Little did I know that soon after leaving him, my ex would end up becoming a sociopath wanted by the FBI for bank robbery. I’m so glad I got out of the crazy-making emotional, physical and verbal abuse to launch our son into a new healthy environment where abuse would not be perpetuated into yet another generation.
It saddens both of us that the church is often more concerned with its reputation and upholding the idol of marriage than the safety of its congregants. It is abuse that breaks the covenant of marriage. Divorce is simply the death certificate for what the perpetrator already killed.
Please, let love and truth shine through so the church can truly become a safe haven because everyone deserves to live in peace and security. God wants that for us all.
Geneece Goertzen-Morrison is a Ph.D. student in the Garland School of Social Work at Baylor University and a research fellow for the Center for Church and Community Impact. As a survivor of more than two decades of abuse, her passion for ministry includes the intersection of faith and practice, particularly on the subject of domestic violence. You can find her at HopeRiseThrive.com and @Hope.Rise.Thrive on Facebook and Instagram.
Mandi Pratt is a survivor advocate for peace, safety and mental health. She has a crazy life story that was in the news and now helps audiences avoid her own experiences. Through her podcast, speaking engagements and workshops she empowers others to become their own heroes with resilience and improved mental well-being to enjoy a safer, more peaceful future. You can find her online and on Instagram.
Related article:
A pastor’s wife’s questionable suicide sparks suspicion and highlights the fruit of abusive theologies | Analysis by Rick Pidcock
Helpful information about responding to abuse:
How to help someone being abused
Self-defense training by a survivor
Podcasts about domestic violence:
Rise Again with Rev. Gen (episode 3 deals with abuse and the church)
Blogs about responding to domestic violence:
If you need help, call the domestic violence hotline at (800) 799-SAFE or text START to 88788.