Many of us recognize that our congregations are aging. Because we do not understand aging well, we may hesitate to really get to know older adults and minister to them.
Jerry Chiles
This article is written by an aging congregant and may give you insight into the world of aging. Aging cannot be summed up as just getting older. It is as complex as any other stage of life. As in earlier stages, aging people are positive or negative, energetic or lethargic, aggressive or passive, loving or cold. Some of these responses may be determined by circumstances in their lives.
There are gains in being a senior adult:
- For some seniors there are funds for travel and leisure
- There are opportunities to spend more time with children and grandchildren
- Freedom and flexibility like not going to work every day
- Choosing part-time work or becoming a consultant
- Volunteering at a favorite charity or school
- Time to explore learning and growth. Libraries and museums are a great place to learn about new things.
- Taking time to invest even more in your spiritual life.
There are losses in being a senior adult
As the body ages, there are many changes and losses to deal with. The longer a person lives increases the possibilities there will be loss. A favorite line from the doctor is, “as we age” as he gently informs us of a pending loss. Some losses are chronic, while others are devastating:
- While many younger adults experience hearing loss, as a senior, loss of hearing can lead to isolation, and this can be a major factor in bringing on dementia.
- Failing eyesight and other factors like macular degeneration can create difficulty for a senior.
- Chronic joint pain is a reality for seniors. It is not as easy as getting a cortisone shot. Some of the pain is always there. Joint replacements are a given for many seniors from knee to hip to shoulder caused by joint deterioration.
- Aging provides the reality that we are closer to death. A friend has said “In all my years on this earth, I have learned that dying is inevitable.” This means God comes into stronger focus as we make preparations to meet him.
- As a person ages, the probability increases that the senior will experience more death of family members or friends. It has been said, “If you want people at your funeral, make younger friends.”
- While seniors are generally in better health than the previous generation, all fear the possibility of becoming homebound. They fear being unable to care for themselves as well as fear life events like being in a wheelchair.
- They fear having Alzheimer’s disease which is not just physically debilitating, but mentally devastating. No one wants to experience the inability to recognize loved ones or friends.
- While moving to a senior facility has its benefits most seniors recognize the move is about losing a home and admitting the need for more support.
- No matter how many times a senior goes to the gym he/she will eventually experience loss of muscle mass and strength. Going to the gym and regular exercise, however, slows the process, but muscle loss is a reality.
- Part of the aging process involves slower reaction times including retrieval of short-term memory. It does not mean we do not know the answer to the question. It means it may take a little longer to find the answer. Also, seniors want to mull over their answer rather than giving a quick answer. No senior wants to be judged as being incompetent.
Each senior is made in the image of God and is therefore worthy of being “seen.” The church does not purposely ignore anyone. However, because seniors may not attend church as much or cannot attend church, they become “out of sight and out of mind.” Every senior fears being placed in this category.
Aging can be about growth and learning
As you can see, the losses list is longer than the gains list. Many seniors are faced with rebuilding their lives. No longer do the former rules of dealing with life work.
It is amazing how many seniors choose new ways to cope with life. It is in learning new things that seniors move forward in life. There are seniors who get stuck and cannot move forward. It is letting go of the former and embracing the new that gives seniors the faith and will to move forward with grace.
Eddie Hammett says it this way, “The challenge of aging rests in adjusting expectations and embracing new realities.”
Aging faces the reality of death
Most people who are younger do not really take death too seriously. Ask any senior if death is real and they will say yes, of course. Seniors realize death is in their future. As a Christian, I have put my faith and hope in Jesus. This doesn’t mean there are no doubts and questions that come along.
What you need to know
- Every senior is created in the image of God and is worthy of love and respect.
- Recognize each senior is unique and is gifted to serve.
- Some service is heavy lifting like going on a mission trip, teaching Sunday school, or getting on the floor with preschoolers, while other service is considered softer but still important like being a prayer warrior.
- Seniors can be helpful in dealing with all kinds of church matters. It is a matter of choosing the right connection for each person.
- Seniors want to be seen and listened to.
- Seniors want to be taken seriously and not be dismissed because they are aging.
- Most seniors want to be part of the solutions and not placed on the sidelines.
- Regardless of what you observe, you will not know the aging situation of most seniors or what they are dealing with, because they do not complain.
Jerry Chiles lives in Raleigh, N.C., and is a member of Greystone Baptist Church. He has served congregations in Kentucky, Georgia and North Carolina, including 16 years as associate pastor for adults at Forest Hills Baptist Church in Raleigh. He has served a term on the CBFNC Leadership Council, the CBFNC Evangelism Task Force and BWIMNC Board.