“There are dragonflies flying all around — and that matters to me.” I was texting with a new friend, someone who doesn’t know about the dragonflies I wear on my necklace or the ones that decorate my office or the way people who love me think of me when they see a dragonfly. “I’ll tell you the story someday.”
It’s a really good story, one that is a core memory of a spiritual turning point in my life 20 years ago this summer.
In 2005, I was the minister of children at First Baptist Church of Asheville, N.C. I had a husband I adored and together we were raising two beautiful little girls. Our work lives, however, were hard. Bruce had just changed schools and was truly unhappy. Church work is always hard, but I was having a particularly difficult season for reasons that don’t need describing — just setting the stage that we were going through a rough patch.
Cathy Payne Anderson
At some point during those days, I heard a sermon about Moses talking to God “as a man speaks with his friend” in the Tent of Meeting. I wrote in my journal this question: “Where is my Tent of Meeting?”
In the midst of that sad season, July 2005, I took 75 children and 20 or so adults to MEGA Camp — always the favorite part of my year. We were at the Clemson Outdoor Learning Lab, a gorgeous camp and retreat facility on Lake Hartwell in South Carolina. Camp is really one of my favorite things. If I could figure out how to make a living doing it, I would live at camp year-round.
This story happens one hot afternoon during the week of camp. We had a gracious plenty of volunteers. (I actually had a waiting list of people who wanted to volunteer!) Anyway, because we had plenty of adults, I had created a schedule where each adult got three hours to themselves sometime during the week to do whatever they wanted — no responsibilities.
During my three hours, I decided to take a solo walk on the camp’s one-and-a-half-mile-long nature trail. The trailhead was located halfway between the pool and the lake. As I started walking, I could hear children laughing off to my left and off to my right. I love that sound. As I started walking, I knew they were in good hands and I didn’t have to worry about them.
A few minutes into the walk, I came across a huge dragonfly. It was sitting in the center of the trail, blocking my way. I’d never seen one like it — as big as my hand, green and blue and gold. It was just sitting there. As quietly as I could, I stepped closer, trying to get a better view.
When I did, the dragonfly hopped about 3 feet ahead. And waited. It waited for me to get there. When I did, it hopped 3 more feet. This dance repeated over and over until we were so far into the woods I no longer could hear the children. Suddenly, the dragonfly took off flying into the woods. Just like that.
“This. This was my Tent of Meeting.”
I realized if I couldn’t hear the children, they couldn’t hear me. This. This was my Tent of Meeting. I began praying out loud — lamenting really. Numbering for God all my complaints about the problems he seemed to be ignoring when he could have been fixing them. I yelled. I cried. I begged. And I walked.
Somehow — I honestly can’t explain how — God began to heal my broken heart in those moments. Nothing about my circumstances changed in the hour I was in the woods. Everything about how I felt in those circumstance changed in the hour I was in those woods. I left that experience convinced God had me and my family in his hands and we would be OK.
Later, reflecting on that moment, I realized something about the dragonfly. The dragonfly began to represent God’s presence and providence for me. My interaction with the dragonfly was completely in the dragonfly’s control. I couldn’t direct him. I couldn’t decide anything for him. My choice was to go with him or not. The same was true with God — my choice was to go the way he led or not. Nothing else.
In the 20 years since that day in the woods, God has used dragonflies over and over to remind me of the truth that God loves me and has a good plan for my life. They show up in the strangest places:
- Circling my parked car in traffic
- Swarming around me in a Walmart parking lot while I was on the phone with the church I would move to the next January
- Hovering outside the eighth floor window of Bruce’s hospital room
Whenever I need a reminder of God’s love, of God’s plan for me to have a good, meaningful life, the dragonflies show up. That’s what happened Saturday as I texted with this friend. Dragonflies were everywhere. They overwhelmed me with the knowledge that my future is in the hands of the Great God who loves me.
By the way, that same God loves you too. If a dragonfly crosses your path today, I hope you will take that as the reminder that it is. You are dearly, dearly loved.
Cathy Payne Anderson serves as a clinical chaplain in Kennesaw, Ga.