Hosting drag shows in a church. Board members posting incendiary statements about political violence. Dismissing or scolding dissenting LGBTQ voices.
Sometimes it’s “inclusive” churches that can do lasting damage to the cause of LGBTQ inclusion.
I was reminded of this once again when I saw an affirming church in Austin I used to attend share a video titled, “Don’t trust in Christianity.” In the video, the (straight) lead pastor shared the following: “I keep finding reasons to trust in Jesus. Now, that’s not the same as trusting in Christianity. Don’t trust Christianity much. No, I sure don’t.”
Ryan Self
Flippant, dismissive comments about Christianity are a far cry from the faithful witness of many LGBTQ Christians. It’s also an ethos that stands in stark contrast to groups like CenterPeace, The Reformation Project, Wilshire Baptist, Restore Austin and numerous others that have worked tirelessly for years to show that churches can be firmly rooted in Christianity and Scripture while becoming affirming of same-sex relationships.
Churches that abandon Christianity in the pursuit of ideological activism can often cause real damage, not only to the cause of LGBTQ inclusion, but to LGBTQ Christians.
As Matthew Vines, who leads The Reformation Project, recently shared with me: “When a church becomes affirming but then proceeds to discard core Christian doctrines like the bodily resurrection or the divinity of Jesus, it does more harm than good to LGBTQ Christians. It also ironically reinforces the message of the nonaffirming church that you cannot be gay and Christian.”
“When a church becomes affirming but then proceeds to discard core Christian doctrines, it does more harm than good to LGBTQ Christians.”
This is a far cry from what many LGBTQ Christians long for.
“What matters most for LGBTQ Christians isn’t simply whether a church becomes affirming; it’s whether a church becomes affirming while remaining clearly and unapologetically Christian,” Vines said.
For too long, many ideological activists who claim to speak for LGBTQ Christians are more often speaking over them. This has led to a misunderstanding on the right and the left about what LGBTQ Christians actually want. Like Vines, I want to make clear that many LGBTQ Christians want churches centered on Jesus, not their identities.
Churches like the one in Austin, which I will refer to as “DTC” for “Don’t Trust in Christianity,” serve as a warning sign for what happens when a passion for Christ is replaced with a passion for a form of activism that alienates more than it includes.
Showing open disdain for people living in conservative areas
“Ugh, well I’m sure you were glad to get out of there.”
This was a common response I would get when I told people at DTC I grew up in Lubbock (West Texas). This response came from church members. From ministry staff. From the lead pastor.
When my parents would visit from Lubbock, I would sit in the pews anxiously: Please don’t mock people from conservative areas today. Please don’t belittle people who disagree politically or theologically this morning.
My dad was an elder at a conservative church. Yet he was willing to visit a progressive church his gay son attended. I doubt the people sitting around him would be willing to sit through a sermon at my childhood church in Lubbock.
I attended DTC for about two years and even volunteered in the children’s ministry. When I left DTC, I made it a point to share my concerns with a board member and her husband.
“They were looking for a church more rooted in Scripture.”
I shared how partisan and sneering the place felt. I also shared how the sermons seemed more focused on identity and trauma than Scripture. Others had shared the same concerns. Repeatedly.
A same-sex couple I was close to had also recently left this church. One of them had been a DTC board member. But they were looking for a church more rooted in Scripture.
By the time I left, nearly everyone in a friend group of about 10 had left for various reasons, including those who identified as LGBTQ. A straight couple who led a small group at DTC also left over concerns the church was fully deconstructing from Christianity.
At the time, it was announced the financial situation of the church was dire. It wasn’t hard to guess why: People kept leaving.
Needlessly provoking and alienating people
Last summer, the church decided to host a drag show for Pride month. The show, “Drag Me to Church,” was marketed as a “dragstravaganza of biblical proportions.” Being provocative was the point.
Because of the laws in Texas, the church was required to market the show as “18+.”
At the time, I was part of a regular dinner gathering of LGBTQ Christians, many who had already left DTC for another church. The group was hosted by a board member of DTC. Had this board member chosen to poll this ready-made focus group, she would have learned at least four LGBTQ members had deep reservations about the drag show. But we kept our concerns to ourselves.
As I’ll detail below, DTC was not a place that welcomed dissent, even from members of the LGBTQ community.
“These likely weren’t conservatives and moderates leaving this church.”
Because of the decision to host a drag show, multiple families left. This was a church that advertises its progressiveness and “inclusion” of LGBTQ people at every opportunity. These likely weren’t conservatives and moderates leaving this church. And it definitely wasn’t because they opposed inclusion.
The drag show occurred at a time when the church was still struggling financially, having continually lost members. The executive pastor was about to be let go, and when the children’s minister left months later, a replacement was not hired.
The church literally couldn’t afford to keep alienating people. And yet it was.
Elevating toxic people while dismissing dissent
Hours after the first assassination attempt on Donald Trump, someone listed as a church board member (we’ll call him Neil) reposted the following on Instagram:
Political violence is the most American of all values. It is immortalized as a right and duty in the Declaration of Independence. It is inscribed on every monument. It is written in blood on every page of American history.
A man — a husband and father — was dead. Two were injured.
I had seen numerous incendiary posts from Neil over the past few months, but this was the worst. Neil was notorious for his online behavior. He once sent me multiple heated messages after I posted a New York Times op-ed he disagreed with, and when I pushed back, he declared in another series of heated messages, “This whole desire to police my social media presence is very reminiscent of an evangelical environment that I left behind ages ago.”
When I raised my concerns with another DTC board member (we’ll call her Sheila) about Neil’s aggressive online behavior (sharing screenshots of the multiple incendiary posts and the heated exchange), I was accused of censorship.
Months later, I was reading Circle of Hope, which details the implosion of a progressive church. The similarities were striking. I chose to write a review of the book on my Substack and included a section about an unnamed “church I used to attend” that also seemed to be replacing Christianity with an activist ideology, noting the drag show as a prime example.
This time, the response was swift.
Within hours, Sheila — who had accused me of censorship for raising concerns about her fellow board member’s online behavior — sent me a critical 200-word text message. When I repeatedly pointed out the double standard, she only dug in:“I don’t recall you asking for a conversation with (DTC), but were asking me to censor (Neil), which I wasn’t and still am not open to doing.”
“This ‘proud ally’ was unmoved by the concerns of a gay Christian.”
According to Sheila, who is heterosexual: “There was absolutely nothing inappropriate or offensive in the content” of the drag show and “I hope (DTC) has the honor and privilege of hosting them again.” The multiple families that left might feel differently.
After multiple tense exchanges, we reached an impasse. This “proud ally” was unmoved by the concerns of a gay Christian — even if these concerns had been raised by multiple other people who had left DTC.
The next day, I got an emotional email from a different former DTC board member, who is gay. He had been coordinating with Sheila. Twice he asked if my pastor had read my post. At one point, he wrote: “Maybe you need to consider your feelings toward gay Christians.”
When I asked him to clarify what he meant (because it sounded like he was accusing me of internalized homophobia), he instead ended his next emotional email with, “You can respond but I’m done on this topic.”
After shutting down the conversation (that he began), the former board member reached out to a mutual friend in our regular dinner gathering to share his grievances about me.
This church doesn’t trust in Christianity (and it shows), but I’m not sure they believe in inclusion either. If there was one word I would use to describe how I feel in relation to this church, it would be “marginalized.”
DTC is alienating to conservatives and moderates. It is alienating to liberals and progressives. It is alienating to LGBTQ Christians. It is alienating to heterosexual allies.
And it’s LGBTQ Christians who will suffer because of it. Needlessly alienating people does nothing to further inclusion and build lasting support for same-sex marriage. If anything, it deeply undermines it.
What many LGBT Christians actually want
Because I do care deeply about gay Christians, I regularly attend the CenterPeace Conference in Dallas. Every two years, this gathering of LGBTQ Christians is a place for people from a variety of journeys and backgrounds to come together.
Thanks to the welcoming, inclusive environment, it’s only grown. The event is held at Wilshire Baptist, a large church in Dallas that continues to thrive thanks to remaining deeply rooted in Scripture while becoming fully affirming.
CenterPeace is led by Sally Gary, a dear friend I’ve known for years who is the embodiment of grace. Her wife, Karen, also is a model of patience and understanding. I’m looking forward to an upcoming book Karen co-edited, Christlike Acceptance across Deep Difference: Constructive Conversations on Sexuality and Gender. As you can tell from the title, the book is about having important, difficult conversations with grace.
This is a great example of working to persuade, rather than alienate, those who disagree.”
The CenterPeace Conference hosts numerous prominent LGBTQ Christian speakers, like Justin Lee, whose book Torn was formative in my journey. His second book, Talking Across the Divide, shares ways to talk to those you disagree with and the need for better dialogue.
Matthew Vines also is a regular presence at this conference. Last fall, he provided an in-depth look into the topic of “usery” (charging interest on loans) in the Bible and how it parallels the discussion on same-sex marriage. This is a great example of working to persuade, rather than alienate, those who disagree.
‘Inclusive’ doesn’t have to mean insular and intolerant
One of the speakers at last year’s CenterPeace Conference was Zach Lambert, my dear friend and pastor at Restore Austin. In a recent sermon about “inclusion,” Zach had this to share: “Jesus didn’t just trade one exclusionary stance for another. This is what we often do. When we feel excluded, we have a tendency to exclude the excluders right back. … Jesus created the first truly inclusive table of all, where prostitutes and tax collectors sat next to priests and teachers of the law. A place where everyone is called to set aside their biases, take up their cross and follow him.”
This is something echoed by leaders across Restore. And it leads to a very different culture.
Once, in a small group message, a member made an unfortunate joke about the first Trump assassination attempt. I chimed in to ask that we avoid joking about the event, especially since a man had died. The group member — one of the kindest people I know — immediately apologized. The group leader later texted me to say, “Thank you for the gentle reminder to everyone that Christ has called us to be better than this.”
That text exchange led to a discussion of how we could have better discussions as a group. A few weeks later, our small group discussed a podcast episode, “Talking to People You Disagree With.”
The leader of that small group is now a board member — chosen for her maturity, character, grace and, most importantly, her commitment to Christianity.
Restore continues to grow. After several years in a middle school gym, the church is in discussions about expanding into a larger facility in north Austin. The building will open numerous opportunities for this thriving church.
Many LGBTQ Christians have flocked to this church that is affirming and unapologetically Christian — more than a few who left DTC.
By holding fast to Christianity, hopefully groups like CenterPeace, The Reformation Project, Restore and countless LGBTQ Christians can continue to build and maintain bridges that groups like DTC are burning down.
Ryan Self lives in Austin, Texas, and writes about the books that inspire him on his Substack, “Ryan’s Boring Book Club,” where a longer version of this essay first appeared.