Baptist News Global
Sections
  • News
  • Analysis
  • Opinion
  • Curated
  • Storytelling
    • Faith & Justice >
      • Charleston: Metanoia with Bill Stanfield
      • Charlotte: QC Family Tree with Greg and Helms Jarrell
      • Little Rock: Judge Wendell Griffen
      • North Carolina: Conetoe
    • Welcoming the Stranger >
      • Lost Boys of Sudan: St. John’s Baptist Charlotte
      • Awakening to Immigrant Justice: Myers Park Baptist Church
      • Hospitality on the corner: Gaston Christian Center
    • Signature Ministries >
      • Jake Hall: Gospel Gothic, Music and Radio
    • Singing Our Faith >
      • Hymns for a Lifetime: Ken Wilson and Knollwood Baptist Church
      • Norfolk Street Choir
    • Resilient Rural America >
      • Alabama: Perry County
      • Texas: Hidalgo County
      • Arkansas Delta
      • Southeast Kentucky
  • More
    • Contact
    • About
    • Donate
    • Planned Giving
    • Letters to the Editor
    • Advertising
    • Ministry Jobs and More
    • Transitions
    • Subscribe
    • Submissions and Permissions
Donate Subscribe
Search Search this site

What I fear as a white woman married to a Black man

OpinionMissy Ward-Angalla  |  August 11, 2020

Conversations on race and racial justice in the United States have become so polarized that too often these discussions result in people talking at one another, and an invisible distance is created between “the issue” and the humans affected. Today, I am asking you to take a step back and hear not from a political perspective, but from a human one.

The harsh reality that our Black and brown brothers and sisters face is that they are not safe living in the United states.

I studied the history of slavery and Jim Crow in college, I read about the experiences of African Americans and heard testimonies from friends about the challenges they faced. Although I cared deeply, reflecting back now, I realized now that I did not really understand.

That could have been my husband

I began to understand the weight of this reality and fear when traveling in the U.S. with my Black husband. My husband is Ugandan. We met nine years ago while volunteering together. We connected around our passion for God, ministry and helping refugees. We fell in love, got married and have been serving and ministering alongside each other in Uganda the last seven years.

Four years ago, we were in the United States on a six-month fundraising assignment for our ministry and the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship. Just a few weeks after we arrived in the U.S., I saw something that would change my life.

It was a video of a white police officer shooting Philando Castile, a Black man pulled over for a traffic stop. In the car with him were his girlfriend, Diamond Reynolds, and her 4-year-old daughter. As a precaution, Castile volunteered to the officer that he had a handgun, which he was legally licensed to carry. But when Castile reached for his driver’s license, as instructed by the officer, the officer mistook the gesture as reaching for the handgun. The officer pulled out his own gun, shouted and shot seven times in rapid succession. He hit Castile with five shots, two through the heart, in front of Diamond and the little girl. Diamond Reynolds screamed in terror and immediately began livestreaming the event on Facebook. Castile died just minutes later.

That day, my entire worldview changed.

Although similar murders previously made me sad and angry, the harsh reality never had hit home in the way it did that day. I realized Philando Castile could have been my husband. My husband! A Black man with a very gentle, loving temperament, one of the most gracious people I know, and someone who only raises his voice when leading worship to ask the congregation to give a “shout to the Lord.” My husband, who is an incredibly gifted musician, producer and friend. That could have been my husband.

One evening in 2016, after we had been driving for hours on a return trip from Florida, our car broke down on the side of road just as the sun was setting. We were stuck at a busy intersection of three interstate highways. We were exhausted from a busy speaking schedule and still an hour away from our destination. Cars whizzed past us at more than 60 miles per hour. We tried to call the car rental company and friends in the area. And I prayed desperately, “God, please do not allow a police car to stop!” I would rather be stuck on the side of the road all night than take a chance that the officer might perceive my unarmed, loving, gentle, Black husband as a threat.

“I realized Philando Castile could have been my husband. My husband!”

Everything changes — everything — when violence or the threat of this violence comes to your friend, your family, your home, your husband, your child. Since the day I watched that video, I have felt fear and anxiety whenever we drive together in the U.S.

What Black people know that I didn’t know

For most of my life, I would have been happy for the police to stop and help me. As a white person with privilege, this fear of police had never crossed my mind. But with the growing number of Black people murdered by white officers, and no punishment for their crimes, this is a real fear and threat for Black people.

The fear and anxiety that I now experience for the safety of my husband during our short periods in the U.S. does not begin to compare to the levels of fear and anxiety that Black people too often feel for their children, parents, spouses, friends and themselves. As Americans, we must work diligently to create a society where all people are safe and without this fear.

As I reflect on this experience, I realize we, as Americans, have allowed racism and injustice to fester in our society, in part because of the distance we place between each other. This is compounded by the extent to which technology has replaced human interactions.

Whenever I return to the United States, I always go through culture shock because of the number of self-service checkout stations in stores or restaurants. It’s so weird to me that I can shop and not have any interaction with another human being.

Individualism leads to “othering”

One reason the injustice of racism is allowed to go on for so long is because, in American culture and power structures, Black people are viewed as “other” and “stranger.” The individualism and disconnection that grows each day becomes the breeding ground for “othering” — treating each other as something distant, apart from ourselves. This leaves little room to see truly the image of God in our neighbor.

As a white American who has lived in East Africa seven years, I believe Americans can learn a lot from African cultures. This is not a criticism but an observation speaking personally from the wisdom, hospitality and generosity I have learned from living in East Africa.

“Americans often don’t see the emotional and spiritual wealth of African communities.”

Africa is often portrayed by American churches, media and film as one-dimensional, poor and underdeveloped. It is true that there are many places where people are living in extreme physical poverty, and this causes much suffering. But what is not often talked about is Africa’s growing middle class, urbanization, vibrant entrepreneurial sector, fashion industry and warm and generous hospitality.

More importantly, Americans often don’t see the emotional and spiritual wealth of African communities, even among people living in extreme physical poverty. This wealth is nurtured by the extremely communal nature of many African cultures.

The power of ubuntu

Throughout my time living and traveling in East Africa, I have witnessed the presence of ubuntu, a dimension of humanity that is ingrained in many African cultures and taking various forms. Desmond Tutu describes ubuntu this way: “You cannot be human on your own. You are human through relationship. You become human. We were made for complementarity.”

In ubuntu there is a deep understanding that each person is created in the image of God. In our community in Uganda, the word “stranger” is almost a foreign concept.

My husband explains: “It’s only when a person comes in and tries to do harm or force their ideas onto the community that the person would be placed in the category of ‘stranger.’” The word “stranger” is a defense mechanism to keep the other person and community at a distance out of fear.

Here, the concept of family is not confined to one’s immediate home but often extends to the larger community. At our ministry center, it is often hard for our social workers to discern actual biological family structures because culturally it is common to identify cousins or close friends as sisters or brothers. An older adult who is a friend, mentor or just a respected person may be identified as an aunt, uncle, mother or father.

In many East African cultures, if visitors or neighbors come to your door, it is important to properly welcome them with warm and generous hospitality. Visitors often come unannounced and at all times of the day. Even if a family does not have any food in their home, they will offer their visitor water as a sign of respect and acknowledgement of their imago Dei.

During the three-month-long COVID lockdown in Uganda, when people were out of work, without food and unable to travel, even people in dire situations themselves helped one another. If one person didn’t have food, they were invited to share their neighbor’s meal.

It’s time to listen, see and learn

These lessons are even more important for white Americans to learn. Our unearned privilege often prevents us from seeing and hearing our Black neighbors, brothers and sisters. Even if we don’t ask for our white privilege, even if we are not conscious of it, it is there.

It’s time to begin seeing these murders of Black and brown Americans through the lens of God, to see the imago Dei in these brothers and sisters. Now is the time to stop. Listen. Hear. See. Now is the time to unlearn and relearn.

There is an African proverb that says: “If you want to go fast, go alone. But if you want to go far, go together.”

The truth is clear. In order finally to dismantle the oppressive systems of racial injustice in America, we must do it together. It’s not going to be fast. It’s not going to be easy. But it needs to happen.

Finally, it is time that our Black and brown brothers and sisters have the real opportunity to live as God created them to live: To be loved, respected and to live fully into God’s gifting and purpose for this world.

Missy Ward-Angalla serves as the founder and executive director of Amani Sasa and field personnel with the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship in Kampala, Uganda. Amani Sasa ministers among vulnerable refugees by offering safety, wholeness and empowerment. Missy is a graduate of Wesleyan College and McAfee School of Theology, where she studied Christian social ethics.


OPINION: Views expressed in Baptist News Global columns and commentaries are solely those of the authors.
Tags:racismUgandaCBF Global MissionsMissy Ward-Angallaubuntu
More by
Missy Ward-Angalla
  • Get BNG headlines in your inbox

  • Featured

    • The French Dreyfus Affair and Trump’s Big Lie

      Opinion

    • Finding inspiration from Fannie Lou Hamer when freedom is under assault

      Opinion

    • Christian nationalism links gun rights and ‘Christian nation’ ideals in dangerous mix, Tyler and Hollman say

      News

    • Why men should be concerned about the abortion ruling

      Opinion


    Curated

    • At LA’s DisclosureFest, a milieu of New Age mysticism, capitalism and conspiracy talk

      At LA’s DisclosureFest, a milieu of New Age mysticism, capitalism and conspiracy talk

      June 27, 2022
    • Worshippers at Baptist church in Nigeria abducted

      Worshippers at Baptist church in Nigeria abducted

      June 27, 2022
    • Biden administration proposes protections for transgender students and against sexual violence in schools

      Biden administration proposes protections for transgender students and against sexual violence in schools

      June 27, 2022
    • Columbia Theological Seminary students object to firing of Black administrator

      Columbia Theological Seminary students object to firing of Black administrator

      June 27, 2022
    Read Next:

    Two viruses threaten the life of the Southern Baptist Convention: Male hierarchy and dominion theology

    AnalysisEllis Orozco

    More Articles

    • All
    • News
    • Opinion
    • Curated
    • Catholic bishops drop opposition to lesbian becoming a foster parent

      NewsMark Wingfield

    • Why men should be concerned about the abortion ruling

      OpinionDarrell Hamilton II

    • Christian nationalism links gun rights and ‘Christian nation’ ideals in dangerous mix, Tyler and Hollman say

      NewsJeff Brumley

    • Why I’m a pro-choice pastor: I’ve listened to the stories of too many women

      OpinionBob Browning

    • Who’ll bring the sackcloth and ashes to CBF General Assembly this week?

      OpinionMolly Brummett Wudel

    • Finding inspiration from Fannie Lou Hamer when freedom is under assault

      OpinionMary Alice Birdwhistell

    • Was that a blatantly racist tweet from a Texas senator or not?

      NewsMark Wingfield

    • Here’s what pastors said this Sunday in churches not celebrating the Supreme Court’s abortion decision

      NewsMark Wingfield

    • The French Dreyfus Affair and Trump’s Big Lie

      OpinionDavid Gushee, Senior Columnist

    • Women of childbearing age are least likely to see strict abortion laws as best deterrent against abortion

      NewsMark Wingfield

    • Independence Day: Not to celebrate but to reflect

      OpinionKathy Manis Findley

    • U.S. State Department calls out Russia, China, Afghanistan, Myanmar for extreme religious freedom abuses

      NewsJeff Brumley

    • Two viruses threaten the life of the Southern Baptist Convention: Male hierarchy and dominion theology

      AnalysisEllis Orozco

    • Progress on sexual abuse in the SBC? Not so fast

      OpinionDavid Clohessy and Christa Brown

    • Pranoto, Shaw, Smith and Younger join BNG board of directors

      NewsBNG staff

    • Uyghur American elected chairman of U.S. Commission on International Religious Freedom

      NewsMark Wingfield

    • When a Mexican cartel kidnapped a Baptist pastor, they got more than they bargained for

      NewsJeff Brumley

    • The Black community needs allies who listen and act, scholar says

      NewsPat Cole

    • Maybe seminaries should offer a class in mergers and acquisitions

      AnalysisMark Wingfield

    • Reflections on my mother’s funeral: The heart has reasons

      OpinionDavid Ramsey

    • Georgia Baptists hit snag on sale of 16-year-old headquarters property in suburban Atlanta

      NewsMark Wingfield

    • When ‘orthodoxy’ won’t hold: The SBC and the rest of us

      OpinionBill Leonard, Senior Columnist

    • At Faith and Freedom conference, evangelical Christian voters once again abandon their concern for marital fidelity

      NewsMark Wingfield

    • Annual report on Baptist women in ministry finds some gains but serious losses due to COVID

      NewsJeff Brumley

    • Seven suggestions for preventing conflict before it happens

      OpinionBill Wilson

    • Catholic bishops drop opposition to lesbian becoming a foster parent

      NewsMark Wingfield

    • Christian nationalism links gun rights and ‘Christian nation’ ideals in dangerous mix, Tyler and Hollman say

      NewsJeff Brumley

    • Was that a blatantly racist tweet from a Texas senator or not?

      NewsMark Wingfield

    • Here’s what pastors said this Sunday in churches not celebrating the Supreme Court’s abortion decision

      NewsMark Wingfield

    • Women of childbearing age are least likely to see strict abortion laws as best deterrent against abortion

      NewsMark Wingfield

    • U.S. State Department calls out Russia, China, Afghanistan, Myanmar for extreme religious freedom abuses

      NewsJeff Brumley

    • Pranoto, Shaw, Smith and Younger join BNG board of directors

      NewsBNG staff

    • Uyghur American elected chairman of U.S. Commission on International Religious Freedom

      NewsMark Wingfield

    • When a Mexican cartel kidnapped a Baptist pastor, they got more than they bargained for

      NewsJeff Brumley

    • The Black community needs allies who listen and act, scholar says

      NewsPat Cole

    • Georgia Baptists hit snag on sale of 16-year-old headquarters property in suburban Atlanta

      NewsMark Wingfield

    • At Faith and Freedom conference, evangelical Christian voters once again abandon their concern for marital fidelity

      NewsMark Wingfield

    • Annual report on Baptist women in ministry finds some gains but serious losses due to COVID

      NewsJeff Brumley

    • Church-state separationists join Justice Sotomayor in blasting the Supreme Court’s ruling in a Maine school voucher case

      NewsMark Wingfield

    • Conservative clergywoman claims United Methodist system unjust

      NewsCynthia Astle

    • In Africa, inflation and a food crisis threaten not just the economy but people’s lives

      NewsAnthony Akaeze

    • American support for abortion rights at highest level since 1995, Gallup says

      NewsJeff Brumley

    • Ministry jobs and more

      NewsBarbara Francis

    • New platform of Texas GOP is laced with Christian privilege

      NewsMark Wingfield

    • Author explores contradiction of evangelical support for prison ministry and tough-on-crime laws at same time

      NewsJeff Brumley

    • One year later, awareness of Juneteenth is growing

      NewsMark Wingfield

    • Churches in Russian-occupied sections of Ukraine face desperate conditions

      NewsJeff Brumley

    • Transitions for the week of 6-17-22

      NewsBarbara Francis

    • Many voices call for prosecution of mob who lynched and burned Christian student in Nigeria

      NewsAnthony Akaeze

    • Religious Liberty Council elects two BJC board members

      NewsJeff Brumley

    • Why men should be concerned about the abortion ruling

      OpinionDarrell Hamilton II

    • Why I’m a pro-choice pastor: I’ve listened to the stories of too many women

      OpinionBob Browning

    • Who’ll bring the sackcloth and ashes to CBF General Assembly this week?

      OpinionMolly Brummett Wudel

    • Finding inspiration from Fannie Lou Hamer when freedom is under assault

      OpinionMary Alice Birdwhistell

    • The French Dreyfus Affair and Trump’s Big Lie

      OpinionDavid Gushee, Senior Columnist

    • Independence Day: Not to celebrate but to reflect

      OpinionKathy Manis Findley

    • Progress on sexual abuse in the SBC? Not so fast

      OpinionDavid Clohessy and Christa Brown

    • Reflections on my mother’s funeral: The heart has reasons

      OpinionDavid Ramsey

    • When ‘orthodoxy’ won’t hold: The SBC and the rest of us

      OpinionBill Leonard, Senior Columnist

    • Seven suggestions for preventing conflict before it happens

      OpinionBill Wilson

    • The gospel according to mammals

      OpinionTyler Tankersley

    • How God used Jay Bakker to teach me about race and loving all people

      OpinionMaina Mwaura

    • When a teenager gets kicked to the curb by Christian parents

      OpinionDan McGee and Linda Francis Cross

    • Unzipped: How (not) to commute

      OpinionEric Minton

    • When it comes to leading corporate prayer, are we really all in this together?

      OpinionMark Wingfield

    • Is America racist at heart?

      OpinionEugene G. Akins III

    • Note to self: Get rid of resting jerkface

      OpinionErich Bridges

    • Don’t keep sweet: Why white Christians need to celebrate Juneteenth

      OpinionErica Whitaker

    • Letter to the Editor: The importance of establishing best practices for pastoral searches

      OpinionLetters to the Editor

    • Hymn Stories: ‘Will You Come and Follow Me’

      OpinionBeverly A. Howard

    • A Bubba-Doo’s regular loses a loved one

      OpinionCharles Qualls

    • The oxymoron of being both anti-abortion and pro-gun

      OpinionEarl Chappell

    • My trip to the seamy world of horseracing

      OpinionBrett Younger

    • In the news this weekend: This is what it means to take God’s name in vain

      OpinionErin Albin Hill

    • Sympathy does not defeat white supremacy

      OpinionWendell Griffen

    • At LA’s DisclosureFest, a milieu of New Age mysticism, capitalism and conspiracy talk

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • Worshippers at Baptist church in Nigeria abducted

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • Biden administration proposes protections for transgender students and against sexual violence in schools

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • Columbia Theological Seminary students object to firing of Black administrator

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • Pope orders online release of WWII-era Pius XII Jewish files

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • Demolishing schools after a mass shooting reflects humans’ deep-rooted desire for purification rituals

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • Has American conservatism abandoned the Christian right?

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • In Colorado, a GOP rarity: An abortion rights candidate

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • A church was ordered to rescind its gay deacon. Now it weighs its next step.

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • Can the Church Still Enact Justice When a Pastor Sues His Accusers?

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • Republican Lauren Boebert jokes about AR-15s and Jesus — and yes, she’s a ‘real’ Christian

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • This World Refugee Day, rising white nationalism meets the largest refugee population in history — which is no coincidence

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • How evangelical Christians are sizing up the 2024 GOP race for president

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • Abortion bill, confederate holiday removal signed by Edwards

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • Buddhist leader in Bhutan fully ordains 144 women, resuming ancient tradition

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • Banning Nancy Pelosi from Communion May Have Backfired

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • How Franklin Graham pushed a domestic abuse victim to return to her husband

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • Poor People’s Campaign holds major DC rally to combat poverty

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • An Elite Christian College Has Become The Latest Battleground In America’s Culture Wars

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • Wiccan celebration of summer solstice is a reminder that change, as expressed in nature, is inevitable

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • Camino pilgrims help rural Spain’s emptying villages survive

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • What Antisemitism Looks Like When It Is Carved into Church

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • Humanist chaplains guide nonreligious students on quest for meaning

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • On Juneteenth, Jewish communities are reckoning with their own attitudes on race

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • UK sanctions Russian Orthodox head; decries forced adoption

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    Conversations that Matter.

    © 2022 Baptist News Global. All rights reserved.

    Want to share a story? We hope you will! Read our republishing, terms of use and privacy policies here.

    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • Instagram
    • LinkedIn
    • RSS