On Aug. 27, Alexander Lang preached his last sermon at First Presbyterian Church in Arlington Heights, Ill. A few days later, he wrote a column titled “Departure: Why I Left the Church.” Since then, I have seen Lang’s column shared on social media by friends who are Methodist, Presbyterian, nondenominational, Disciples of Christ and Baptists (of all stripes). Clearly, his column has resonated with a wide variety of my friends who serve in ministry.
And certainly, much of what Lang says resonates with me as well. I, too, have felt some of the stress and tolls he speaks of. However, as I read through his reflections on why he has chosen to leave pastoral ministry, it caused me to wonder, “Why have I stayed?”
Tyler Tankersley
Let me also say my thoughts are in no way meant to be a counter to Lang’s. Commenting on someone else’s experience as a pastor is as fruitless as watching an NBA game and lambasting a player for a misplaced pass, as if you would fare any better if you were on that court rather than eating Doritos on your couch. I cannot speak for his experience; I can only speak for my own. But where Lang’s church ministry left him frustrated and burned out, mine has given me life and energy.
It hasn’t been all roses and sunshine, though. During my ministry career, I have found myself in a business meeting that devolved into a shouting match, and I have met with a police officer because a church member had stolen thousands of dollars from the church in order to purchase supplies to make illegal drugs. So, believe me when I say I have known dark days in ministry and I, too, have sat in front of my computer with a hopeless sense of dread as I have crafted a letter of resignation.
And sadly, there are more and more pastors who are sending those letters. As Lang points out, a recent Barna study found 42% of ministers have considered quitting in the past few years. The reasons given included the stress of the pastoral vocation, the isolation they often feel, the divisive political rhetoric that pervades our congregations, and the impact serving as a pastor can have on one’s family.
It is not that I have not experienced those struggles in my own life, but that I am blessed to serve a congregation that seeks to craft a congregational culture of health and well-being.
- Except for the occasional funeral or wedding, my church honors our ministers’ sabbaths and avoids asking anything of them in order to give them a genuine day of rest.
- I have a group of lifelong friends I gather with each year. My church knows those friendships are important to me and provides me with the time off necessary to disconnect from my job and be with my friends.
- While we certainly have a diversity of political perspectives in our congregation, we do not allow those differences to dilute our unity around our shared faith.
- My church loves my spouse and children and encourages me to place them as my top priority in life.
In his column, Lang also points out one of the struggles that most led to his decision to resign was because he often felt most of the people in his church held a “fixed mindset” rather than a “growth mindset.” By that he means they are most interested in having their already-held beliefs affirmed rather than being challenged to grow into a new perspective.
Largely, that has not been my experience. I have found the members of my congregation to be deeply curious and hungry for theological insight that stretches them into new ways of living out their faith in our world. They encourage and support me when I place in front of them biblical interpretations that perhaps run counter to some of what they have been taught.
None of this is to say I serve a perfect congregation (nor do they have a perfect pastor). I have experienced days of struggle and hurt, as well.
During the early days of the COVID-19 pandemic, I made a comment about wanting to love our neighbor by listening to the guidelines of the CDC around wearing masks and practicing social distancing. An angry member of the church called me to say I was too political for them and I never would have a career as a pastor.
Did that moment shake me? Yes, of course it did. I did not sleep for two nights as I wrestled with the anxiety their comment caused to rise up within me.
But the very next day my doorbell rang. I opened the front door to find an Easter basket at our front door. It was filled with chocolate for my entire family with a note that simply said, “Thank you for being my pastor.”
“With every ounce of grace they extend my way, I try my best to return the favor.”
I also have been honest with my congregation about how hard being a pastor can be. I have told them I have been helped by having a regular therapist, going for solo hikes in nature and practicing disciplines of sabbath rest. But here’s the truth: Their jobs are hard too. They are doctors, teachers, nurses, real estate agents, attorneys, stay-at-home parents, salespeople and all manner of professions. Life is hard for them, too. And so with every ounce of grace they extend my way, I try my best to return the favor.
I am fully aware that one day I may write a different reflection. Perhaps I am in a “sweet season” of ministry that shall pass. I may find myself desperately searching for an alternative career path because I simply cannot stomach the thought of being a pastor any longer. But, with gratitude in my heart, that is not how I feel today. And it is not necessarily a testament to me or my resilience; it largely is a testimony about the goodness of the people I am blessed to serve as pastor.
My heart is broken that Lang has made the decision to leave the pastorate. From all I can see, he seems to have been the kind of thoughtful, caring, innovative leader the church needs right now. And yes, we are experiencing an inordinate crisis of resignations among clergy.
However, while we hold these stories of pain and burnout and hurt in one hand, I also want to be sure to add my voice to the other side of the story, too. There also are congregations who are seeking to be loving, thoughtful, generous and supportive of their pastors.
I don’t know what your experience of church has been. But, as for me, I am so glad I have stayed.
Tyler Tankersley serves as senior pastor of Ardmore Baptist Church in Winston-Salem, N.C., and is currently pursuing a doctor of ministry degree in leadership and spiritual formation from George Fox University.
Related article:
I left the pastorate while still loving it | Opinion by Cody J. Sanders
