“You should go on sabbatical more often,” said Marijane on her way out of church last Sunday. She noticed what others had too.
I was preaching with more energy, like back when I was first called to Northside six years ago. Congregants have shared with me how they feel a movement of the Holy Spirit in our congregation since I returned from sabbatical, and I am so grateful to God’s faithfulness to us.
While I came back from sabbatical more than six months ago, it’s only just now that I am feeling more like myself again, but still changed in yet-to-be-named ways.
Courtney Stamey
Because what no one ever talks about is how hard it is to come back from sabbatical.
Maybe it’s the guilt some pastors feel. My church actually gave me a sabbatical. Aren’t I ungrateful if I tell people how much I am struggling? Or maybe it’s the demands that feel too high because ministry kept going while you were away. It’s like jumping into a river with a fast-moving current — you are bound to get bruised. Or maybe it’s that the sabbatical wasn’t as restful as you hoped it would be, and you are still tired. Or maybe it’s all the complaints that have been held for three months, that even when very reasonable, seem so very overwhelming all at once.
Whatever it is, no one ever talks about how hard it is to come back from sabbatical.
When I came back from sabbatical, our church was in a tremendous season of grief and administrative transition. We had several administrative initiatives congregants and our associate pastor worked on while I was gone. So we already knew there would be some changes and that change is always hard in an institution.
“I was supposed to come back ready to go, but it felt like the church was on fire and I lost my extinguisher.”
Then we had the challenges we weren’t expecting. Six church members died in two months. We’ve never had six church members die in a year. Meanwhile, we had other church members in spiritual crisis needing pastoral care — those things you cannot share with anyone due to pastoral confidence. I was supposed to come back ready to go, but it felt like the church was on fire and I lost my extinguisher. I wondered, “God, are you telling me it’s time to leave ministry?”
No one ever talks about how hard it is to come back from sabbatical.
When I talked about what was going on to my therapist and mentor, both of whom have lots of congregational experience, I remember two conclusions. First, yes, no one talks about how hard it is to come back from sabbatical and nearly every pastor who takes a sabbatical has a hard time coming back. Second, they asked me how I could get more support from the congregation. I remember my therapist asking me, “Does Northside care about you as a person or only as a pastor?”
Thanks be to God, I knew Northside cared about me as a person. This feisty flock of misfits (as they have called themselves) has for decades cared about the personhood of their pastors. It’s one of the reasons that every five years, all ministerial staff (not just the senior pastor) get a 12-week sabbatical with no prescribed agenda. As one deacon told me, “Sabbatical is a gift of grace for you to receive. You don’t have to do anything to prove you deserve it.”
I knew these things to be true. I had proof that this body of believers cared about me. And yet, I still struggled asking for help. I had to believe they meant what they said.
No one ever talks about how hard it is to come back from sabbatical.
Through encouragement of others, and perhaps out of sheer desperation, I started asking for help. First with our chair-elect and current chair of deacons who stepped up and took tasks upon themselves. Then during my evaluation, when the committee worked to establish a pastor support team to meet with me regularly and be a safe space for me to share my concerns. I shared openly with the congregation during several sabbatical presentations. Yes, about all the wonderful things my spouse and I did on sabbatical, but also how some of my spiritual concerns had not quite resolved.
What I encountered was the kind of love and support that can come only from the body of Christ alive and well in our midst.
Six months later, I know it does get better with adequate support. Who knows, after sabbatical your preaching may get better and life-giving changes may happen. Thanks to my sabbatical I had the maturity to name that I was struggling. I didn’t have to pretend I had it all together, because in gifting our ministers sabbaticals on a regular basis, I already knew where our church stood. They wanted my health and wholeness, because that is what all believers ought to desire for one another.
So, if you are having a hard time coming back from sabbatical, know you’re not the only one. I would encourage you to reach out to the avenues of support you already have in place and ask for more support if you need it. Lean into the wisdom of those you can trust. Share in small ways with your congregation both your gratitude for sabbatical and also the areas where you are struggling.
You just might find yourself ministered to in profound gospel ways.
Courtney Stamey serves as senior pastor of Northside Baptist Church in Clinton, Miss. She earned a master of divinity degree from Wake Forest University School of Divinity and a bachelor of arts degree from Gardner-Webb University. In her free time, she enjoys playing disc golf, especially with her husband, Michael Stamey.
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Returning from sabbatical, I was reminded: I am unnecessary but not insignificant | Opinion by Greg Jarrell
7 things I (re)discovered on sabbatical | Opinion by Jason Edwards